What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
