That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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