if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
