if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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