I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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