all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
