This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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