I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
