that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
