dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
