3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
