well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
