It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
