I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
