I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
