we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
