Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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