New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
