She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
