Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
