So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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