respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Randomize
