Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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