This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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