I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
