Dual....:-)
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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