shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
