Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
