New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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