I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
