I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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