I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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