so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
wow bdsm is so cute
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
