she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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