I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
