i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
