I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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