Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he shaved USA in his pubs
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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