last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
