I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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