I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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