This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
