the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
