Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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