hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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