I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
