ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
