I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
