So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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