i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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