is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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