Say something about gay babies.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
